He claimed to have realized where he was going wrong.
He even began reading a book to help with his insecurities and anxiety.
I wasn’t sure but, again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I never lied to him about my whereabouts or who I was with, and I made clear my intentions for our relationship.
Looking back after it ended I saw the red flags more clearly, and I saw how early they had appeared—earlier than I had realized at the time.
I recognized that I had seen warning signs of his real character and our incompatibility, and that my instincts had been telling me to back off for some time. I thought it was his nerves, his anxiety, his not wanting to be hurt again, or because he loved me so much. But a balanced person puts their own needs across, just not in a selfish way. It is not trying to control who they spend time with.
I would dread being unobtainable by phone for any amount of time as I knew he would become anxious and the questioning would start again.
I ended the relationship 3 weeks after my return from the USA for our second visit, five months after we started dating..
I live in London, but I met John (not his real name) online last year after being separated from my husband for 9 months.
John lived in the USA, and he and I seemed to click straight away.
I was looking around and enjoying the view, people watching, when he became withdrawn and quiet. It’s easy tell yourself that he’s just acting a little over the top because he cares so much.
He later said that he’d noticed I was watching a male waiter walk around the restaurant. The fact that John was acting jealous and insecure seems obvious now as I write this down, but it was less obvious then. Over time, though, these red flags became empty promises. He backed off for a couple of days, but within a week or two we were right back to the same old patterns. I tried conveying every way possible of my feelings for him—which were still strong.
So he would ask who I was texting, and if I was free then why wasn’t it him I was talking to?